'Tis the time of the year again.

One more year has come and gone. This year has by far been the most eventful and punishing in recent years of my life. However, I've also been blessed in many wonderful ways too. It's remembering to balance both that has been my ultimate quest these days.

You know, a few weeks ago I was still angry about failing the business we started a year ago - a project we had all believed to have been the salvation for our families. More thought went into it and I realized that we did everything we could that we knew how to. It's been a painful and expensive lesson, but a good lesson at that. I have similar feelings towards the loss of our first baby, but have been healed with my second pregnancy - a baby girl, we found out on my birthday. Jon and I believe that it was her all along back in March and that she had decided to wait for a healthier body. Losing her the first time was an excruciating experience, and I would never want to go through it again. But it makes you see things in a completely different perspective and makes you thankful for everything that you do have.

Everything has been so unsettling this year and my faith in myself has been badly shaken. I found myself doubting every decision I made or was about to, and punished myself severely when they turned out to not be the right ones. Our relationships with some friends were called into question over personal issues. The sense of loss from everything surrounding us was just overwhelming.

I am however, very thankful for finding strength in my relationship with my husband and my family, and also some friends to overcome this period in time. It was through these uncertain times that I know who I can count on for unconditional love and support. The list isn't very long, but I am deeply grateful for having these people in my life. Not at the very least is my love for my unborn daughter, whom I cannot wait to meet. She has inspired me to persist on and strive to give her the best that I can. I cannot ask for better motivation.

So, to all out there who wish for a better year ahead, I am with you and bid you a safe, healthy journey into 2007.

The elusive meaning of Christmas

Having spent another holiday season in the most capitalist and materialistic country in the world, and this time observing it from inside one of the most high-end and luxurious shopping establishments in the world - Neiman Marcus, I have to say that I am most perplexed and disturbed. I have seen the most shocking behaviour, temper tantrums and hissy fits thrown by grown adults, mind you. Fits that would have put a two-year old toddler to shame. All because they came too late to buy the latest, most-coveted whatever that the world of fashion and beauty has to offer. This one customer practically burst into tears when she found out that the giftset package of her favourite fragrance was sold out a whole week before she came into the store, which was two days before Christmas, by the way. Mind you, she had been reminded repeatedly by her personal shopper that it was an exclusive product with limited availability for the past two months.

Correct me if I'm wrong, I've been told that Christmas is first and foremost a religious holiday - celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, although historically on this date, it is the Roman pagan celebration of Saturnalia. And to continue my thoughts, I am led to believe that this is when Christian followers reflect again on the nature of their faith. (I am trying to word this carefully, mind you). Then, how is it that it became all about being obliged to fork out hard-earned money to buy thingamajics for others that will either get regifted or returned? Not to mention the ridiculously unusable things that you will receive (battery-powered self-spinning marshmallow roaster, anyone?)

Sigh, anyway, having experienced quite a few Christmases with gift exchanges gone wrong, I can expertly say that it doesn't matter how well you think you know someone, you can still go wrong with gifts for that person. So, sometimes it's best and for everyone's good that we create user-friendly and well-thought out wish lists of things we desire for others to refer to. Or better still, do like what we did this year - forgo gift giving altogether! Oh what a freaking relief!!! I didn't have to burn brain cells thinking of what to get that would fit into our rapidly shrinking budget. We had initially brought up this plan to our friends prior to Thanksgiving with sad faces, but the plan was warmly received. Everyone has financial setbacks this year - saving for new kids, saving to get married, trying to save up for own place, sending another kid to college - fantastically real reasons to not have to do obligated shopping.

Was there a hint of disappointment in the air when Christmas came and went without any hint of grandeur? Yes, I will admit it felt a little empty, like something was missing. This has by far been the quietest Christmas I've ever experienced - no gifts, no decorations, no elaborate meals with friends. All we did was watch TV whilst we packed up boxes to move. Finally gave in to going to the movie theater when evening came and all anticipation for some small surprise fell flat. Had a good time watching "Night at the Museum". It was most appropriate and we left the theater feeling like we had a small but well-deserved, little Christmas treat.