'Tis the time of the year again.

One more year has come and gone. This year has by far been the most eventful and punishing in recent years of my life. However, I've also been blessed in many wonderful ways too. It's remembering to balance both that has been my ultimate quest these days.

You know, a few weeks ago I was still angry about failing the business we started a year ago - a project we had all believed to have been the salvation for our families. More thought went into it and I realized that we did everything we could that we knew how to. It's been a painful and expensive lesson, but a good lesson at that. I have similar feelings towards the loss of our first baby, but have been healed with my second pregnancy - a baby girl, we found out on my birthday. Jon and I believe that it was her all along back in March and that she had decided to wait for a healthier body. Losing her the first time was an excruciating experience, and I would never want to go through it again. But it makes you see things in a completely different perspective and makes you thankful for everything that you do have.

Everything has been so unsettling this year and my faith in myself has been badly shaken. I found myself doubting every decision I made or was about to, and punished myself severely when they turned out to not be the right ones. Our relationships with some friends were called into question over personal issues. The sense of loss from everything surrounding us was just overwhelming.

I am however, very thankful for finding strength in my relationship with my husband and my family, and also some friends to overcome this period in time. It was through these uncertain times that I know who I can count on for unconditional love and support. The list isn't very long, but I am deeply grateful for having these people in my life. Not at the very least is my love for my unborn daughter, whom I cannot wait to meet. She has inspired me to persist on and strive to give her the best that I can. I cannot ask for better motivation.

So, to all out there who wish for a better year ahead, I am with you and bid you a safe, healthy journey into 2007.

The elusive meaning of Christmas

Having spent another holiday season in the most capitalist and materialistic country in the world, and this time observing it from inside one of the most high-end and luxurious shopping establishments in the world - Neiman Marcus, I have to say that I am most perplexed and disturbed. I have seen the most shocking behaviour, temper tantrums and hissy fits thrown by grown adults, mind you. Fits that would have put a two-year old toddler to shame. All because they came too late to buy the latest, most-coveted whatever that the world of fashion and beauty has to offer. This one customer practically burst into tears when she found out that the giftset package of her favourite fragrance was sold out a whole week before she came into the store, which was two days before Christmas, by the way. Mind you, she had been reminded repeatedly by her personal shopper that it was an exclusive product with limited availability for the past two months.

Correct me if I'm wrong, I've been told that Christmas is first and foremost a religious holiday - celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, although historically on this date, it is the Roman pagan celebration of Saturnalia. And to continue my thoughts, I am led to believe that this is when Christian followers reflect again on the nature of their faith. (I am trying to word this carefully, mind you). Then, how is it that it became all about being obliged to fork out hard-earned money to buy thingamajics for others that will either get regifted or returned? Not to mention the ridiculously unusable things that you will receive (battery-powered self-spinning marshmallow roaster, anyone?)

Sigh, anyway, having experienced quite a few Christmases with gift exchanges gone wrong, I can expertly say that it doesn't matter how well you think you know someone, you can still go wrong with gifts for that person. So, sometimes it's best and for everyone's good that we create user-friendly and well-thought out wish lists of things we desire for others to refer to. Or better still, do like what we did this year - forgo gift giving altogether! Oh what a freaking relief!!! I didn't have to burn brain cells thinking of what to get that would fit into our rapidly shrinking budget. We had initially brought up this plan to our friends prior to Thanksgiving with sad faces, but the plan was warmly received. Everyone has financial setbacks this year - saving for new kids, saving to get married, trying to save up for own place, sending another kid to college - fantastically real reasons to not have to do obligated shopping.

Was there a hint of disappointment in the air when Christmas came and went without any hint of grandeur? Yes, I will admit it felt a little empty, like something was missing. This has by far been the quietest Christmas I've ever experienced - no gifts, no decorations, no elaborate meals with friends. All we did was watch TV whilst we packed up boxes to move. Finally gave in to going to the movie theater when evening came and all anticipation for some small surprise fell flat. Had a good time watching "Night at the Museum". It was most appropriate and we left the theater feeling like we had a small but well-deserved, little Christmas treat.

Counting my blessings.

Despite having lived in the US for almost seven years, the concept of Thanksgiving Day is still very foreign to me. It's not that the notion of being thankful is that hard to grasp. It's just puzzling to me that the tradition of this holiday is all about about consuming food until act of passing out.

Situated in the middle of all this hoo-hah is the fleshy giant of a noisy bird - the turkey. It's really difficult for me to wrap my brain around how this could be the favourite food of many Americans. Many don't even care for it much. They just spend hours preparing and cooking it just because it's tradition. I've had it roasted, smoked and deep-fried. Sometimes I even add ground turkey as a replacement for ground chicken in my recipes. No 'gobble-gobble' epiphany yet. I still prefer to use chicken - smaller, easier to handle, less tough and juicier. Sorry, I digress.

So, every year at Thanksgiving, we've decided to focus on different main dishes, creating as big a variety as possible. We've had cornish game hens, pork tenderloin, this year it was roasted leg of lamb. I came up with a recipe based on traditional seasoning for lamb - the usual garlic, rosemary and lemon juice- added cumin, for extra smokiness, an onion for fragrance and ground everything up in the food processor with olive oil. Throw in 24 hours of marinating and this baby tasted as good as it looked. Feast your eyes, my honorable readers and fellow bloggers!

Of course, my darling husband forgot to take pictures of the accompanying sides - roasted red, yellow and orange peppers, mashed celery root and potatoes, delicious gravy made from the lam drippings and the tangiest mint sauce all the way from England! GAWD.....it was a fantastic meal, if I may say so myself.

Okay, okay, I don't get to cook much anymore. No, not because I'm lazy or because I'm pregnant. It's the huge cut in my gourmet budget that I've had to make this year since quitting my job and running the business into the ground. *Sigh!* BUT, this Thanksgiving meal marked a small return to my favourite past time. And since it is the day to give thanks, I wish to express my thanks and gratitude for all of you in my life.

Till my next epicurean adventure, I bid you all good food, plenty of love and life to the fullest.

Brioche in the oven, dumpling in the steamer.....

Don't expect anything about cooking or food in this post. In fact, the last few months was completely lacking of cooking in any way. Why? Oh, because there wasn't much I could stomach before it was quickly on its way out of me (the same way it went in) due to wonderful pregnancy hormones. I have never been as homesick as I am now - mostly for the food. When I wasn't busy hugging the side of the toilet, I was craving, CRAVING Malaysian food. My comfort food. My poor husband was doing everything he could to get me nourishment that would stave off my nausea, driving around to get me soupy noodles, which was all I ate for almost a month. Could not stand the thought, let alone the sight or smell of burgers, pasta, pizza.....everything that surrounded me in abundance. *Shudder! Gag!*

The queasiness has since almost come to a halt. Still happens sometimes after a particularly greasy or non-compliant meal. However, one thing happened that put it all in perspective. I had an ultrasound procedure done about two weeks ago. We saw our little baby, healthy and bouncing off my uterine walls like an astronaut in zero gravity. The very sight of my child moving around with heart apounding and all limbs intact was enough to quell every ounce of yucky nausea. Everytime I am about to complain about a faulty appetite, I stop myself and think of how the very thing that's making me sick, is the very thing that is keeping my baby happy.

Need a mother ask for anything more?

Peace, Propaganda & The Promised Land

I was sent the link to this video by a friend. I'm sorry, it has nothing to do with food. However I felt that it is imperative that we spread the TRUTH about what is really going on in the Middle East, even if it has to begin at my blog. Please do me a HUGE favour and spend some time watching this . And please pass the message on to your friends. P. Peace, Propaganda & the Promised Land provides a striking comparison of U.S. and international media coverage of the crisis in the Middle East, zeroing in on how structural distortions in U.S. coverage have reinforced false perceptions of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. This pivotal documentary exposes how the foreign policy interests of American political elites--oil, and a need to have a secure military base in the region, among others--work in combination with Israeli public relations strategies to exercise a powerful influence over how news from the region is reported. Through the voices of scholars, media critics, peace activists, religious figures, and Middle East experts, Peace, Propaganda & the Promised Land carefully analyzes and explains how--through the use of language, framing and context--the Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza remains hidden in the news media, and Israeli colonization of the occupied terrorities appears to be a defensive move rather than an offensive one. The documentary also explores the ways that U.S. journalists, for reasons ranging from intimidation to a lack of thorough investigation, have become complicit in carrying out Israel's PR campaign. At its core, the documentary raises questions about the ethics and role of journalism, and the relationship between media and politics.

Welcome to the surface of the sun! - Part Two

Okay, the heat's not letting up. I just saw the forecast that it's going to be 105 Fahrenheit this whole next week. *@&%@#*^!!! Looks like we're eating out of the pantry this week. I am NOT trekking out there and risk becoming Instant Carnation Raisin. It's a replay of the same two weeks this time last year. The week my family was here for my wedding, it was hot. And then someone cranked up the thermostat - the week after was excruciating!!!

*Grumble, grumble....* Ok, where did I stop the last time? Let's see if the bloody picture will load this time.......TA-DAA!!! Success! Gah, noodles....ack, this is pure torture!

Ahem, right....continuing on with Vegas. When we weren't working (we really didn't work that much), we spent many a day and evening out walking along the Strip to different places of interest. We spent some time at the Secret Garden & Dolphin habitat at the Mirage. Saw Siegfried & Roy's (go ahead and giggle) old white tigers and lions.....and bears. Oh my!!! (ok, no bears)
The dophins were cool.....literally. I would be too if I had my own pool to frolic around in. They swam around to the viewing window and teased us endlessly with their splashing and silly cackling. I would have paid big money to dive in the pool with them, except I don't have money - big or small. Haha.

Now, one place I definitely recommend for any tourists to Vegas would be the Forum Shops at Caesar's Palace. This place is gorgeous and HUGE! 175,000-square-foot, three-level shopping centre, with ancient Roman architecture flooding the walls and floors, from frescos to gigantic sculptures. Everything here is designer - Versace, Harry Winston, Kate Spade, Gucci, Hugo Boss, etc. Coolest thing? Spiral escalators! I've never set my eyes on one before, so that was quite an experience. (Added picture for your viewing pleasure. You're welcome!)

A really great, family friendly place would be the Mandalay Bay Hotel. It's nicely laid out with some of the best restaurants in Vegas. Case in point - the Burger Bar. Fantastic food, burgers were top-notch, non-greasy but still flavourful. Jon ordered the Colorado lamb burger which was astonishingly good. I had a grilled shrimp on mesclun salad with Japanese dressing and sundried tomatoes. (was craving some greens that day). Turned out to be a great choice. It had layers of flavour from the crisp greens, to the succulent shrimp and the tangy umami of the dressing.

After that delectable meal, we adjourned to the Shark Reef which is within hotel limits. Tip - if you go after 7pm, the tickets are $5 off for adults. It was an impressive effort to showcase strangely creepy oceanic creatures along with sinister-looking pirahnas from the Amazon basin. Couldn't help thinking what it would be like if I put my finger in the water. Chills!

This is probably more information about my trip to Vegas than you'd care for, I should think. There's more to come actually, but I think I'm all worded out for now. Peace!

Welcome to the surface of the sun! - Part One

It is hot. It's been unusually hot everyday for the past month and it is increasingly hotter day by day, if that's even possible. This will be my seventh summer in Texas. I should have gotten used to it by now, you say. Well, no......for me, that would be close to impossible. This heat surrounds and envelopes you with its sultry arms, and then surges forth from inside you, not unlike after having had a large, spicy meal. So, one way or another, you're being roasted on the outside, and stewed on the inside.

I have a hate-hate relationship with the sun. I hate the heat, first and foremost. And I hate the way my skin just toasts up a few shades darker just by me emerging briefly into the rays, say whilst running from my apartment to my car, and from said car to end destination. So having said that, what the heck made me decide to sit by the pool at 4pm in Las Vegas with the temperature being 112 Fahrenheit (45 Celcius for everyone else's reference) for an hour???

Vacation madness. That's what it was. Then again, it was a working vacation. We were there for a trade show. Took advantage of the locale and had some fun when we weren't working. We almost didn't make it there.....money issues. Had the priviledge of staying at the Venetian, one of the nicest and newest hotels on the Vegas Strip. Very beautiful, totally puts you in a completely different place altogether......I think they were aiming for hmmm....oh, Venice? : P

The sky you see in the picture? It's not real. It's perpetually daylight in there, with variations for dawn and dusk. Messes you up when you come in from the dark of night. That's how they keep you awake. They mess with your internal clock so you'll walk in from outside and it's bright as day, you're thinking "Oh, it's too early for bed." Completely oblivious to the fact that you've actually been up for 48 hours straight, you head straight for the casino and then....BAM! there goes all the money that you're worth. Slick, very slick.

Since this blog is primarily about food, I couldn't leave this post without something about it. We had some really nice food when during our stay there. Most of it was just ridiculously expensive. One thing that really stood out to Jon and myself was the Noodle house, in the Venetian itself. Some of the best noodles I've had in years! It's very reminiscent of the Taiwanese noodles I used to love back home in Malaysia. These were definitely mind-blowing. Would go back all the way to Vegas just to have the noodles. Pure, succulent wheat noodles cooked to al dente perfection, bathed in spicy Szechuan beef broth, with the most tender cuts of meat with the most amazing flavour. (Trying to load picture, alas....not successful.)

Am so hungry now thinking of noodles. *Sob, sob!!!*

Anyhoo, it's time for me to head back to the blazing reality. Join me again for Part Two. Coming soon to a PC near you.

New crazy member of the family

No, it's not what you're thinking. Jon and I got a new kitten. We named her Sprinkles because of her unusual colouring. She's a little off, I have to say. Doesn't know the meaning of fear. She spends her days and nights terrorizing the other two cats, Chino and Tigger. But she's still a little baby and loves to be cuddled.

Now, I have to apologize for the tone of the previous posting, but I had to get it out of my system. I was blog-constipated for almost three months before then, not being able to find the right words to put down. Jon and I are a work in progress and we've moved on, but we never forget.

Why the new kitten, you ask? Well, it was partly self-indulgent, to fill a really huge void, but it was just a meeting of two forces and perhaps, love at first sight for the three of us. We knew she was coming home with us the moment we held her. The fact that she gets along famously with the other two proves that it was the right decision. Anyway, she's growing too quickly. So, Jon and I make up for it by smothering her when she wants us to. Silly kitty!

Shhh.....our angel is sleeping.

Non-eventful is hardly the appropriate word to use to describe things that have happened over these past three months. The roller-coaster ride persists, looping dangerously high and low and sometimes coming skin-close to crashing into the abyss of nothingness. And then, as hope seems wispier than fog, sunlight shines through and everything seems a little clearer, the ground unyielding below my feet. And I feel in that moment, I will know my heart again. But you never forget those eternal seconds that seem to envelope you completely in blackness.

I have never truly known what it feels like to be really empty on the inside. As much as I have experienced emotional pain physically, this Pain obliterates all others. It stabs and snags at every nerve and fiber of my being, making me want to tear my heart out, and at other times, leaves me ice-cold numb. Walking the line has been anything but easy.

I know our sleeping angel. She visits me in my dreams. Jon and I talk to her, wondering if she hears us. We tell her to be good, to be patient; we will see her again soon - whole, healthy and perfect.

I thank the heavens for Jon. He is my sunlight and my unyielding ground. He walks with me through the nothingness and holds my hand through the journey. I know he knows the Pain, for it lives inside him too. But this Pain, which takes so much from the core of us, this Pain rearranges the little shards of our stolen essence together again, more exquisite than ever. Like a beautiful glass mosaic, purposefully broken and then ingeniously made whole again, one tiny piece at a time.

Happy Doggy Year!

It is time for another celebration. The year of the Fire Dog began on January 29, 2006. For the benefit of those who may not be familiar with Chinese traditions, Chinese new year is celebrated usually in January or February of every year depending on the Lunar calendar. The festivities last for fifteen days, beginning on a new moon and ending on a full moon.

During these fifteen days, it is customary to visit family and friends, and likewise, host family and friends with hoards of epicurean goodies. Being so far from home, it is difficult to get into the spirit of the festivital. In fact, over here in Fort Worth, there is barely a whisper of Lunar merriment. Usually, I try to make up for homesickness by cooking up a storm, and baking cookies two weeks before. Unfortunately, this year I did not have the time to bake, but still managed to have our friends over for our annual CNY get together.

The menu was as such: Yue Sang, the traditional CNY salad of mixed finely shredded vegetables and pickles, Fried fragrant chicken (chicken rice style), Shiitake mushrooms with baby bok choy, Fried stuffed beancurd rolls, Beef hot pot, with coconut cookies and Malaysian coffee as dessert. Jon cooked and chopped up the chicken, with some of my help. It went through tedious cooking processes, but was ultimately worth it!

All in all, it was delicious! And the company, even better. This is the time of year that I get the most homesick, and it is always fun to spend time with my surrogate family.

'Til next time.....Ciao bella! Back to the Winter Olympics.

Holidays, holidays and more holidays!

Wow! I've been bad. I haven't posted anything since the beginning of December.
Well, time has been passing annoyingly fast. It's been a month since I quit my job to take care of my new business. Christmas and New Year's day has come and gone and we're on the third day of the Chinese New Year. Check out the cake I made for Mary Lou and Brad's Holiday Pudge Party!

Since the new year, all has been well to an extent. I've been very preoccupied with getting the business up and running. Unfortunately, it's not been moving very quickly at all. But, hope is in sight! We have decided to take it to the limit by participating in three trade shows this year. The biggest one will be in March in L.A.

Working from home has been good for me. It's nice to be near everything I feel comfortable with. On the other hand, it's been a brain drain, which leaves me with not much energy to cook much anymore. Having said that, I had been craving Yong Tau Foo, a stuffed vegetable and tofu dish, that I decided to make it myself. It's basically an assortment of vegetables: eggplant/brinjal, bitter gourd, red chillies or jalapenos, tofu puffs and beancurd skins stuffed with a mixture of ground pork and fish with green onions.
I fried them in oil and then made a garlic-oyster sauce gravy to go on the top. We had it with some flat rice noodles, which we dressed with hoisin-soy sauce and sesame seeds. (chee cheong fun!) It was absolutely yummy.

Having said that, I am preparing for a few days of cooking for this coming Saturday's Chinese New Year feast. I'll save the details for the next blog. Expect some good stuff!!!