Picking oneself up and dusting off.

My conversations with my closest friends and my family tend to be retrospective nowadays. Sometimes, there is more regret in my voice than I would like there to be. It would be easy to just say to myself, "Just let it go and move on...." But I feel that the lessons get lost if there isn't enough contemplation on my part. I guess I'm just walking the line between wanting to look forward and move on, and hanging on to what might have been.

Any rational person would tell you that it is unhealthy to hold on to experiences past, but then again, most people do so because those parts of their lives were all they knew at that time. Sometimes, the circumstances affect us so strongly because they were new high points, never before experienced and had heavy emotional investment on our parts. As Amy mentioned in our chat the other day, these experiences strip you of everything, and it feels like having to start from scratch all over again. No doubt, it is a painful process, and sometimes it feels better just to be in denial and cling on to that false sense of security from our warped memories.

My father always reminds me that life is full of challenges, and that we always need to be positive and look forward. My mother tries to convey the same message, but knowing that she's had a battle-weary life, it always comes across with a hint of bitterness. I try to learn from their experiences and try not to make the same mistakes. Then again, mistakes of a different kind don't make the pill any easier to swallow. So, in my poor mind, I juggle my own dreams, goals and regrets, along with those of my family and some friends. However, I have also learnt to understand, (but not necessarily accept) that sometimes things just happen and are completely beyond my control. Now, that's a jagged little pill for ya.