Is freedom, really freedom?

Ah finally! The time has come for me to return to the workforce. Okay, maybe it was time a few months ago, but I wasn't ready. Because my baby girl was still too dependent on me. Because I didn't know whom I could trust to watch her. Because I would miss her each minute I am away from her. Because.... I just wasn't ready.

A new opportunity arose just last week after I made my decision to go back to work part-time. All of a sudden, there was a position of permanence - well, to a degree of anyway - available to me at a fabulously chic location in Dallas. Hmmm, my horoscope did say that I would have new opportunities this month. So came with that new information, a huge struggle over which babysitter to use, and how we were going to justify spending that much money on just part-time daycare. (Headache, headache, HEADACHE!!!)

Anyway, it was decided to make my paycheck worth the time I am away, we decided to not use a babysitter, and I would work on hubby's days off. Ah, easy decision!

But WAIT! Was it really??? All this time, I always looked forward to his days off that we could spend together, running errands, shopping for groceries, doing nothing... Now, the reality of this new situation sank in quickly. We wouldn't have any days off together for a very long time. Was this worth the small amount of extra money we would have ??!? *Sigh* I guess a little give on the financial side, isn't exactly a fair trade off for spending less time with each other. But this tiny little step towards financial improvement could mean everything to us. It would be a tiny step towards leaving this ghetto of a place we call home now. It would mean moving to a much better community, to a better school district for Elyse. I know it seems too early to plan ahead that far, but having learnt from friends in similar situations, it is imperative to not lag behind when it comes to children's education. It could also mean us being able to afford our own home. *DREAM*

I guess having been at home by myself with the baby for so long, I've been locked in my comfort zone for too long. But I find myself getting used to the idea a little bit more everyday. Maybe after this week, it will almost be like I never had a worry about this at all. Maybe then, I could finally enjoy my 10 hours of 'freedom' (now, i use that term very loosely). And maybe then, it won't seem like I'm always caught between the devil and the deep blue sea.