Stop and smell the roses

I've been doing a fair share of food blogs exploration lately, and I have to say I'm embarrassed how my blog turned out. It started out with some amount of food postings, then things went, well, a little south. Past few posts were just downright depressing. My apologies...

I think I ought to let this blog live up to its name a little. Hence, let me share my little raspberry-orange cakelets. I used a cute rose cakelet pan, which I received as a wedding gift. I believe it was a limited-edition item from William-Sonoma. The cakelets themselves are just a plain cupcake recipe, which I added some thawed frozen raspberries and a tiny amount of orange oil and zest.

Light, fluffy, sweet and tart at the same time. How wonderful if life could be that way all the time?

Seen the darkness

I'm sure those of you whom have read the previous post must think me in serious mental jeopardy. Ah, maybe so... But I drafted that post a couple of weeks ago when my mind was extremely cloudy, could not finish it, but couldn't delete it either. So i just briefly capped it off and posted it today.

I lose control of my thoughts sometimes. Okay, a lot of times. I am not proud of it. Better-to-doers would say "Mind over matter, my dear girl." Yeah, yeah... Fat lot easier said, than done. Sometimes it just feels good to wallow in the pit of self-pity for a while. Lying in the muck, slinging it around, hoping it hits some innocent bystanders. Misery loves company, I'm afraid.

*Sigh* My poor husband!

Precariously perched.....

There are days when I just want to run head-long into a hard concrete wall, with hope that the impact would knock me awake or kill me. One way or another, perhaps the madness would end. A horrible thought? Well, perhaps. But I will bet you that there's not a single person who's lived that has never had these contemplations even once.

So, is it just human weakness? Plain ol' day to day depression? Or is there a sinister underlying current that runs deep? Why do we pick at our old wounds and scabs, and thrive on the pain that they inflict again and again? Why do we drive down the same old malignant road, time after time? I think that it boils down to the sadist AND masochist within us. You know, the one half that scoffs at other's misfortunes, and then the other half that goes "I HATE everything about me!"

Take a wild guess which side of the fence I'm on today.

No need for a special day.

Blessed.

Very blessed.

That's how I feel every night when I go to bed. Okay, so it's harder to focus in on that sometimes. Some days the feeling is a little stronger than on others. Sometimes, I need a swift kick in the rear to remember. On some other days, I have to fight tooth and nail, and maybe bleed a little before reluctantly surrendering to the fact that no matter how crappy my day has been, no matter how many unfortunate events rain themselves on me, I have, in truth, many things to be incredibly thankful for:

My beautiful, funny, smart, and goofy baby girl.

My incredibly loving and supportive husband, who is my pillar of strength and challenges me to face the cruel world with my chin up and a smile.

My wonderful parents who have always been around for me.

My brilliant, crazy little sister who inspires me endlessly.

My handful of few, but fiercely supportive group of true friends; some of whom my sanity and well-being dearly depend on.

Today I am able to write this, probably because I'm on the upswing of the roller-coaster that I'm perpetually riding on, so that on inevitable low, low days I will be able to come back and read upon this and remember.

Cute cookie

Okay, my sister has completely indulged one of my childhood (never really outgrew it) loves! She got Elyse and I a couple of packages of Miffy cookies, all the way from Tokyo!

Ultimate cuteness! Funny thing is that they really tasted great! Buttery, slightly sweet, with a slight crunch and then completely melting in the mouth. Yummmm....

All kinds of adorable Miffy pictures.

Miffy and bear!

Funny giraffes!

The First Year.

Yikes! Just realized after a long absence from my blog that it has been...*GULP*, almost 6 months since my last post!!! (*Feeling really, really guilty). Same old excuses, busy with baby whom I am so proud to announce, is well on her way to toddlerhood!

Bunnee-girl celebrated her first birthday two weeks ago. It was a small celebration with a few close friends. I made her a Miffy cake, and Lisa made lots of delicious food. The cake was lemon butter, with a raspberry-lemon buttercream. It was almost completely organic, with the exception of the fondant (which was storebought) and the Miffy icing decoration (couldn't find organic meringue powder, but used organic confectioner's sugar though.)



Elyse had absolutely no idea what was going on that day. All she knew was that we were spending the weekend at Lisa's place, which she loves, and there were lots of visitors! Not sure if she was actually happy about that..hehe. She enjoyed her balloons, especially a cute Nemo one we got for her (which is still happily bobbing up and down in my living room even now.)

She did enjoy digging into her mini-cake, which I made alongside the Miffy cake. It was so satisfying, watching her smoosh her little fingers into that cake and completely tearing it apart! She ended up eating more than half of that cake, by the way, and had a complete sugar crash towards the end of the party.

I think I was so busy preparing for her party, obsessing about Miffy details (I couldn't find Miffy partyware, so ended up printing and sticking my own stickers on the pink and orange party pieces), that I really didn't have time to think about the fact that she's been in this world for more than one whole year. It finally started to hit me about a week later when, during lunch, she shook her head violently when I put more food on her highchair tray, and proceeded to throw each leftover piece on the floor, one by one. Then she reached out both arms to me and said "Ma-ma....uuugggghhh". I guessed she was done, and I was right.

What a personality she has developed! She's turned out to be a adorable, loving, relatively easy-going (when she gets enough sleep) little one, who LOVES to dance, bouncing up and down on any bouncy surface (including her mommy and daddy's tummies), eats anything, but especially loves tofu, noodles, oranges and cookies.

I am already seeing hints of toddler behaviour peeking out, small tantrums, irrepressible curiousity, and a whopping vocabulary of baby babble. How exciting! How terrifying for my husband and I! But, we take it all in shaky stride because this has to be the most exhilarating, fingernail-biting adventure we've ever been on in our entire lives! Well, so far anyway....

What is happiness?

Happiness is...pure and innocent;
It is worldly and wise;
It is in giving, and in receiving;
It is in loving, and in being loved;
It can be tangible, yet untouchable;
It can appear as being or as energy;
It is subtle, yet so powerful;
It is abundant, yet hard to find;
It says a million words, yet can be painfully silent;
It is always welcome, although the invitations get lost;
Dark is a world without it;
Yet, a world without dark will never see the light.